Woowar

Two 'religion'-related stories have hit the headlines this week, each of which is both funny and desperately sad at the same time.

Story # 1: Lambeth

Some people are gay. Some people are priests. Some priests are gay.

That seems pretty simple. Sure, there are some idiots stuck in the middle ages who think that being gay should be illegal, or is a disease to be cured, but they're the exceptions. The majority of people would rather accept the world the way it is, and find a way to make the best of it, rather than try to twist it to adapt their own prejudices, fears, insecurities and dogmatic beliefs. If there is one shining and long-lasting benefit from the Age of Enlightenment, the societal shift from religious absolutism to thoughtful pragmatism is surely it.

Then we come to the Church of England, and the once-a-decade 'Lambeth Conference'. This is an event where all the bishops from the 'Anglican Communion' get together and have a good chinwag and talk about, well, whatever it is that bishops talk about. Then they go back home and carry on as before. All fair enough, and roughly equivalent to most managerial meetings to be honest.

However, this time around, it's all gone pear-shaped. Why? Well, the anglican church in the US decided to promote an openly-gay priest and make him a bishop. Shock, horror. There are lots of gay priests; they're not hard to find. So all credit to this man for being honest, rather than trying to conceal the truth. And all credit to the people around him, for being brave and forward-thinking and accepting him for who he is, and not getting hung up on how he chooses to spend his bedroom time. His reward: NOT being invited to the Lambeth event. Why again? Because there's an ugly clique within the Anglicans, mainly consisting of African bishops, who are SO bigotted and intolerant that the Archbishop and his little helpers decided it would be better not to invite dear Gene in case it upset the homophobic bigot brigade. That could have been a politically astute if spineless idea ...except ... half the aforesaid homophobic bigots have decided to boycot the conference anyway (!) because other bishops who have supported Bishop Robinson are being invited.

So the whole placate-the-loonies-by-upsetting-the-liberals plan has, so to speak, gone to hell in a handcart, and now the loonies are organising their own conference (BigotExpo 2008? HomophobiaWorld?) in Jerusalem, and the poor ArchBish is rattling around in Lambeth palace with 25% of his club off elsewhere starting their own club. It would be funny, if it wasn't so pathetic. Actually, it is funny, but it's still pathetic.

And, speaking of pathetic, here comes ...

Story # 2 : The Magic Biscuit

A catholic student in the US, Webster Cook, decided that he would take his wafer back to his seat to show his non-catholic-but-interested friend, rather than consuming it there and then under the watchful gaze of the priest. This is what happened:

"I took about three steps from the woman distributing the Eucharist and someone grabbed the inside of my elbow and blocked the path in front of me. At that point I put it in my mouth so they'd leave me alone and I went back to my seat and I removed it from my mouth."

A church leader was watching, confronted Cook and tried to recover the sacred bread. Cook said she crossed the line and that's why he brought it home with him.

"She came up behind me, grabbed my wrist with her right hand, with her left hand grabbed my fingers and was trying to pry them open to get the Eucharist out of my hand," Cook said, adding she wouldn't immediately take her hands off him despite several requests.

"We don't know 100% what Mr. Cooks motivation was," said Susan Fani a spokesperson with the local Catholic diocese. "However, if anything were to qualify as a hate crime, to us this seems like this might be it."
("A hate crime"? Don't be bloody ridiculous.)

We just expect the University to take this seriously," she added "To send a message to not just Mr. Cook but the whole community that this kind of really complete sacrilege will not be tolerated."
("Really complete sacrilege"? Hmm, as opposed to chewing it, swallowing, dissolving it in digestive acid, and pooing out what's left?)

"It is hurtful," said Father Migeul Gonzalez with the Diocese. "Imagine if they kidnapped somebody and you make a plea for that individual to please return that loved one to the family."
(Yes, but he didn't kidnap anybody did he. "Imagine" if he set fire to your house .. yes, that's right, he didn't do that either, but just "imagine"...)

And then the story really hit the headlines when poor PZ Myers, who was only commenting in a wry and entertaining way on what is, frankly, a ridiculous story, received a death threat. Yes, really: a genuine death threat for writing a story that was unsympathetic to a group of people who believe that a biscuit has special mystical properties. A biscuit. The guy (it was a guy, as it now seems) sent the threat from his wife's work email address. She has now been fired: whether for allowing unauthorised access to work IT systems, or for being stupid enough to marry such a wanker, we'll never know.

Both of these stories are fresh from the last couple of days, so will no doubt continue to develop/grow/fester over time. But what can they tell us? Well, here are some things they might tell us:
1. Religious belief is only a socially cohesive force if 100% of the society subscribes to it: in almost all cases, it's divisive and does more harm than good.
2. Don't placate fascists/bigots/nazis. Neville Chamberlain learned this lesson with his misguided 'Appeasement' policy, and the Archbishop of Canterbury is learning it now.
3. People with bizarre beliefs (e.g. magic biscuits) should stop taking themselves and their beliefs so bloody seriously, and just make a teeny-weeny effort to see things through other people's eyes occasionally.
4. Believe whatever you want, but keep it to yourself
5. Outrageous opinions are still outrageous opinions: religion is no excuse
6. "Do unto others as you would have done unto you" is from the bible and makes a really good rule#1: neither story above would have grown to its current proportions if people who claimed to be Christian actually followed this basic and common-sense instruction
7. Actually, there are no space aliens. Unless Jesus was one, of course